I don’t want to say goodbye to you once you’re gone. I want you to know how deep this gratitude is while you are still here with me, breathing and running.
Dear 2016, job well-done.
I did not expect you to be this good. You have brought me to mountains that I did not just pass but you had given me the grace to move them. I conquered them because you have believed in me. You pushed me to not settle. You told me that I am created for a purpose far greater than any dream I have for myself.
You taught my heart to love beyond what my eyes can see. You demonstrated a love that pursues me even in my failures. When no one took the decision to stay, you held my hands. You endured my tears and told me, “I am willing to wait. Come back when you’re ready.”
When I woke up the next morning, something in me changed. Your love made me recognize that it’s gone. It’s finally gone. The part of me that I am holding on for so long has ended. And I am ready to submit, to let go, and to discover myself again.
I have forgotten my adoration for flowers. How she needs time to grow and grow and grow before she blooms. How she lets people to forsake her beauty until the time is right. How she never rushed her refinement. And when she blooms, from glory to glory, never missing anything, the heaven and earth rejoice. She knows that she is born for such a time as this. No shame. No doubt. It is written in the hands of her Creator. And even if her time has passed, her petals has gone dry, her fragrance vanished, the works of her Creator never fades. Her beauty remains.
“There are so much more.”
You’re right. There are so much more. You did not stop there.
Brave. You have taught me to be brave. Here’s the thing: Being brave is something I would never use to describe myself.
I want to be gentle, yes. I want to be gracious, oh dear.. yes! I want to be loving and caring and nurturing, yes yes and yes! I want to be all these, leaving the word “brave” behind.
Yet you told me to be brave. To learn how to fight for myself.
Because fighting doesn’t always necessarily mean strong words and winning, but fighting can also be a picture of few words and forfeiting. All for the sake of redeeming something that is of eternal value, like relationship.
You taught me to fight for things with eternal value. Seeing that the grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of the Lord stands forever. His promises cannot be broken. This, I will wholeheartedly fight for.
You told me to be brave so I can stand firm. Because this world is full of people who will try to constrain me with their own standards and culture. Because people will fail. Yet I will stand firm in my faith, upholding only what God has called me to do — not because of anything I have done but because of His own purpose and grace.
You told me to be brave and not to give up when things aren’t favorable. You reminded me that God’s vision should stand still even if things are shaky. You pruned me to become someone who doesn’t just have faith to believe but also have faith to claim.
You instructed me to listen only to that still small voice which says, “The battle has been won. I am in control. I am greater.”
You have given me the biggest lesson my heart can possibly receive: there is a blessing in waiting.
When you ask me to wait, you want me to enjoy the presence of who God is and not the things He can give or do.
When you ask me to wait, you want me to rest from my own thoughts and actions that are slowly drying my bones.
When you ask me to wait, you are in fact redirecting me towards God’s pleasing and perfect plans.
When you ask me to wait, you have given me the gift of experiencing peace in God’s pauses.
When you ask me to wait, you made me look to the Person of my faith, rather than manipulating my circumstance to receive the object of my wait.
You told me to wait well by focusing on God, not to the season, not to the problem, not to the people, most especially, not to myself.
You told me to wait and hang on in every word He said.
You told me to boast and to humble myself. To boast in Christ alone. To boast in my weaknesses so His power can be made complete in me. To humbly walk to the truth that I am a sinner and I will never qualify for anything good. Yet God’s love and righteousness, took that shame. He proudly claimed, “You are mine. I am yours. I want you, all of you.”
Oh 2016, you made me hear His voice again. You made me feel His heartbeat again. You showed me how my mess can be used by His holy hands. This won’t change: Only in Him I am made complete. Nothing else satisfy. Nothing more can fulfill. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can compare to the love that traded heaven to have me again.
Here we are, day 357 of 2016. Find me here as I breath in a brand new world of new beginnings. Come and sweep me again in God’s unfailing love.