I know that we haven’t spoken for quite some time now. I see you every day but I have forgotten to love you in His way.
I’ve pushed you, a lot. I’ve pushed you to pursue things that have taken away your joy. I’ve pushed you to go to places where your heart is not into. I’ve pushed you to stay even if you’re draining yourself away.
You’re beyond admirable, do you know that? You have shown me that there are miracles in staying. You have made me believe that your purpose is unbreakable no matter where life brings you. You fought battles you’ve won the moment you said, “Lord, only by your grace.”
But you’ve also pushed. You pushed us to continue walking on water even if it was the darkest of all nights. It was one of the scariest things we’ve ever done but you held on tight. Not to me, not even to your own strength but to the One who called your name. How can you possibly trust the voice whose only words are, “I am with you.”
You’re right. Of course, you’re always right. Only by His grace.
Hey self, thank you for pushing. We’ve seen wonders because of your brave wild heart. I will continually trust His voice with you. He is our Captain. I will believe again because you did. I will believe again no matter how long this journey would be. Through strong winds and heavy rains. We will believe again and again and again. After all, our Captain knows where we’re going. His voice is our peace.
For all that, self, I want you to promise me something. Promise me you’d enjoy our journey. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Promise me that you will save the best for yourself, for us. Self, we’re not made for leftovers.
I’m struggling, buddy. I’m struggling on how you greatly love others yet you’ve almost left nothing for us. I see how you lavishly speak grace and gentleness to our friends but nobody knows how you cry in the middle of the night, in pain and in search for the very love you’re giving.
You always give but you never come back for refilling. You kill us both with your sweet smiles of comfort for others. It kills me to see you so selflessly give all that you have just to receive nothing but rejections and pain. You kill us. You kill us when you try to please men. You take away everything that God has richly entrusted to us because you run to the love that will never fulfill. You took away our joy.
But self, I love you.
I love you for all that you are.
Because you are good.
You are selflessly good.
You forgive like no other.
You love beyond compare.
And you are nothing apart from the King of our heart.
We are nothing apart from the King of our heart. And self, we’re good only because He is good. We’re able to forgive because He has released forgiveness even before we have sinned. We can love because we have been loved, tremendously, abundantly, oh so exceedingly.
And here’s how He loves; wholeheartedly.
Self, stop loving people by giving yourself piece by piece. Our heart is not meant to be given in fragments. We have been given the love that is not broken. Our love is extravagant. Our God is extravagant. So the next time we love, we give in whole and we receive in full. The love that doesn’t make sense. The love that rejoices not just in our beginnings and endings but delights in all our in-betweens.
Self, we’ll go far in this love. Some days, we’ll be dead tired but as long as we’re growing more and more like our King, the love that doesn’t make sense will be the love that will keep us running, reaching, and surrendering. Because here’s the thing: we no longer need to cover anything. He has seen it all and loves us all the same. No need to hide. We are safe in the arms that proclaim, “I have loved you before you even knew it was love.”
Hey buddy, shall we? Are you ready to keep moving? Are you ready to go deeper and higher to the journey that is set before us? I am whenever you are. Take all the time you need. I can wait because you have always been the best teammate. We truly make the best team.
I promise you. You will never be alone.