You are not the one in tears. You are also not the one pouring her whole heart out over broken stories. You are not the type who bravely calls in the middle of the night asking for help. You can’t be the one desperate for comfort and encouragement. You can’t be weak. You can’t be lost. You are not like her, except you are—but you can’t.
So you go back home, with a tired heart. Wishing you could also be as vulnerable as your friend. Hoping that tears and words will also come out from you easily. Wishing that you can also open up being broken and lost yet feel still utterly loved and accepted. Hoping to be that one person that you are to all others.
What to do when you’re lost and you can’t tell anyone?
You worship. You stay where you are and let your heart seek the Presence of the holy One. Ignore the lie that you need to move from one companion to another just so you can ease the space of emptiness. You don’t need to be part of many circles of companionship when you know none of them can fulfill your longingness inside.
Remember that it is much more difficult to be found if you are constantly moving to various wrong directions.
Stay where you are and wait on the Lord. Really wait on Him. He promised to meet you right in the middle of the mess you are in. There’s no need to pretend. There’s no need to act so tough. In His presence, you can be weak and He can be strong. He will see everything there is to be seen. He will embrace all the broken pieces that you so carefully hide from others. He will expose those secrets in the dark and set you free—completely and eternally. He will open every door that has been closed and no one else can ever shut it down. He will seal every beautiful promise with His love that never fails. Your past will be seen and your present will be clear.
You won’t feel ashamed. You won’t feel rejected. You won’t feel hopeless.
In His presence, there will be fullness of joy. It will bring peace, clarity, and humility.
When you’re lost and you can’t tell anyone, you kneel and you surrender. Declare it by heart, “I will be found by You so I will stay right here in Your presence.”
Sing it with joy and gladness.
When I’m lost and weary, find me grateful.
When I’m lost and empty, find me in the middle of Your grace.
When I’m lost and helpless, find me in the beauty of Your promises.
‘Till I know, I am found by the love that carried me through.
Open up. See the truth. You’re no longer alone. Would you be still and call this season “home” again? Your heart can be true all over again. You will find your reason to stay and you will find your purpose that still awaits.
Breathe. Mourning won’t last forever. Feel the sweet light of the morning.
Walk shamelessly. You have met the Love that declares, “You are mine and you will forever be.”
Walk. The best is yet to come. My love, you are stronger than ever before. Leave everything behind—fear, unbelief and every insecurity. I have conquered it all. Oh, my love is stronger. My love has set you free.
Today, you have chosen Me and I declare with arms wide-open, you’re no longer lost but strong. Welcome back home.
Hi. We haven’t spoken for years yet here I am. I’m now opening the door I’ve completely shut down years ago. I’m now making my first steps to come in again. I am welcoming our past back.
These wounds will no longer be hidden.
Tonight, for the first time since I locked it down, I’m opening our box of memories. I’m slowly, fearlessly, with deep joy in my heart, flipping each pages of moments we had. Tonight, in a very long time, I am seeing you again for all the right things you’ve done and not for that one mistake you made.
Tonight, I am freeing you from all the guilt. I am looking at us again with fresh eyes just like the first time. My heart is overwhelmed by the amount of grace our stories was able to see and get a hold of. We were both so broken but the Lord has brought us to a new chapter far greater than the one we have for ourselves.
It’s a miracle that we’re both standing now facing a new love we both treasure deeply. I have slowly seen how the Lord blessed our broken hearts and led it to a new person who sees us for who we are and not for who they want us to be.
Someone, who holds our hands while patiently unveiling our past, not to shame us or humiliate the person we were, but someone who lovingly wants to be part of every tiny detail of who we are, good or bad. Someone who used our past to learn how to love and respect us authentically, honestly, and purely.
For the record, I now thank the Lord for the heartbreak you’ve given me. That heartbreak protected me from thousand more curses I know that my heart couldn’t possibly take in. Your “goodbye” had defended me with all other immature relationships I could’ve gotten into. The hate you unintentionally left in my heart led me to the greatest love that transforms me into the woman that I am now. When you left me, the heart somehow found it’s way back to its First Love, Jesus.
And this one I know, I’m grateful. I’m glad we ended so I can see myself again worthy of the kind of love way bigger than myself. I’m glad we’ve let each other go so we can be with our own right person, who’s not perfect but beyond doubt delightful in every way.
Thank you for letting go of the love story that’s not meant for both of us. It’s not a failed love story after all. Just something we both can’t stay anymore.
I’ve realized that the heart has the ability to completely forgive and forget but it will always remember the moments which made it stronger. It will always look back to the reason that made it whole again. It will no longer dig into the pain of the past yet it will relive the ones that made it dream again.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me how to dream again.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me how to truly wait.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me that it’s not time which heals.
I can choose to forgive even right after we broke up.
Then it’s the Lord’s job to heal me piece by piece.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me that love is not all about emotions but commitment to fight for each other even if you don’t see the other worthy to be loved.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me how to selflessly give myself away so I can receive more of what God has in store for me.
I’m glad we ended because I saw a glimpse of how God can turn scars to beautiful testimonies.
I’m glad we ended because, for the first time, I saw who I really am in the image of Love, Himself.
I am made to love, made to forgive, and made for His purpose.
I’m glad we ended so God’s purpose can finally begin in me.
When we first met, I thought to myself, “Is this real? He’s coming towards me. He’s here.”
All my walls got broken. Your presence had blown me away. You’ve won my heart.
For that moment, I knew, I’m keeping you. I’m keeping you close. I’m keeping you tighter than ever.
For once, both my mind and my heart said, “Yes.”
There were no fights. I can’t even remember my mind asking questions nor my heart doubting and fearing. They just want the same thing at the same time.
They want you. All of you. Just you.
When we first met, I thought to myself, “I’m going to make him stay. I will never let go.”
I am determined to make you a constant. I have tasted and seen of how good life is with you and there’s no way I’m letting go. I’m never going back to where my life used to be. You’ve brought me to a greater height. You’ve made me reached the hope of making things possible. You’ve drowned me in a love, which accepts who I am as I am.
When we first met, I thought to myself, “How can I make you stay?”
So I’ve made up mind to know you more. I’ve read books after books about you. All about you. You amazed me. You inspired me. You made me hungry for more of you and do you know what’s more exciting? It’s the wonder that knowing you also meant knowing me.
You’ve made me discover things about myself that no one has ever told me before. I have strengths and weaknesses; both are welcomed in you.
You’ve brought me to people, who know you far longer than I do. They encouraged me to walk longer and even farther. To step into the unknown, to believe to the promises yet to be fulfilled, to have hope that never dies. They told me, “You will never be alone.”
When we first met, I thought to myself, “Is he going to get tired of me too?”
I’m scared. I’ve been running. I’ve been working. I’m making our relationship work.
I don’t want to lose you. Not you.
I’m afraid that when you see the one thing that I have been keeping to myself, you’ll turn away too. I’m not scared of the shame and condemnation.
I’m scared of not having you because you’ve grown tired of me failing you over and over again.
I’m scared that you no longer see me as your beauty but just another story.
I’m scared of not being involved with you.
When we first met, I thought to myself, “Is this worth it? Am I worthy?”
When we first met, I told myself, “Oh she has no idea how I’m going to make her world turn upside down. I’m going to love her from the beginning ’till the end.”
I moved heaven and earth just for us to reach this moment — when we first met.
In fact, this wasn’t the first time I laid my eyes on you. I have been watching you from afar. I have been keeping you safe. I have been reaching during your busy days. I have been whispering all day and all night that I love you.
I have waited for you. You are everything I made you to be.
When we first met, I told myself, “I am committed to her. My love for her will be the same yesterday, today and forever.”
You’ve held me tighter than anybody else could. You made me smile.
You even told me that I am yours. I like that. I kept those words in the tablet of my heart.
I am yours. You are mine.
You were so eager to know me. You were so eager to know us. You dived into the wisdom of books and listened to so many words of people. Yet, I hoped you have asked me. The one thing I have been longing, for you to come and ask. I want our relationship to be personal.
Remember, I am yours, you are mine.
When you heard enough, then I wondered, why did you suddenly grew tired? You started doubting. Trusting me is no longer enough. Your grip started to loosen. Your doubts are taking over, but I’m still holding you longer, forever.
When we first met, I told myself, “I will never get tired of you.”
You are the reason for my existence.
You are the reason for my beautiful death.
You are the reason for this fight.
There’s nothing that you could do to make me love you less.
When we first met, I told myself, “Everything is worth it. This, right here, is worth it. She is going to be everything I made her to be; gracious and kind, forgiving and abounding, always curious but eternally victorious.”
When we first met, I told myself, “One day, she will realize that nothing in this world will ever separate her from my love.”
You stumble and cry, I am here. Go back to where we first met.
You met this man and you got your heart broken, I am still here. Go back to where we first met.
You have put your hope to things with temporary value and it crushed you, pieces to pieces, I am still here my beloved. Go back to where we first met.
You felt ashamed. You’re surrounded by lies. You’re blinded by condemnation. I’m coming through. I’m here, where we first met.
Come back, come back.
— when we first met.
Yet you are loved nonetheless.
There are so many people who I would hear crying and demanding every single day with the same sentiment, “I deserve to be loved.”
And there are also hundreds of times I witnessed friends and family responding with, “Yes. You really do deserve to be loved. So go, leave that person and find that one who would love you like no other.”
I hate to break it, sweetheart. I might even be the first one to say this. You may not even agree with me but today, I want you to hear the other side of the story, “You don’t deserve to be loved but you are loved nonetheless.”
Isn’t that a better truth to live out every day rather than having so much self-entitlement to be loved by people who are also equally hungry for the very love that no human being is capable to give?
But the sad truth is, so many of us have fallen to this kind of thinking. It’s heartbreaking to see someone continually run for love that will never fulfill.
Here’s the thing; When you constantly live a life which demands love from people, it will not just drain the people around you, but it will also trap you in a boring cycle of, “Do it and I’ll do it for you. Love me and I’ll love you too.”
Every time you proclaim that you deserve to be loved, it’s as if telling people, “Your love is not enough.”
Every time you shout this selfish ugly truth, you also silently scream, “You have not met my standards. Do better. Love me better.”
When are you ever gonna learn that you don’t need any reason to love? Love is dying to your own self, forsaking all others, forsaking your own needs, and going the extra mile without leaving each other. Love is honoring one another above yourselves. In love, there’s no room for “selfie,” it’s always “you before me.”
“I don’t deserve to be loved but I am loved nonetheless.”
“I am loved despite my faults and weaknesses.”
“I am loved despite my past.”
“I am loved despite being me.”
You are dearly loved despite being you.
When you fully grasp this truth, you will be able to freely love someone even if not receiving anything in return. You will be able to live a life not dependent on anyone’s actions or words. You will be able to walk on a secured life knowing that no matter what other people would throw at you, you are loved, despite being you.
So the next time you hear someone say, “I deserve to be loved.” please don’t feed their selfish yearning. Respond the way that they are not expecting. Tell them gently, “Hey, actually, you don’t deserve to be loved. None of us do. But you know what? We don’t deserve to be loved yet we are loved completely, deeply, and passionately.”
There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who gives endlessly yet grows overwhelmingly. She’s not lacking of anything. She likes herself better when she’s with people equally broken like her. She finds joy in putting herself last.
She rests in the peace knowing that she is loved by her greatest Lover who loved her first and proclaims daily, “You are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms.”
So I see that you’ve reached your end. You walked out from the fight and left everything else we worked hard for. You said that you’re going to wait but I guess the waiting is over. You grew tired. You’ve let go of my hands, of my heart, and of my leading. You lost trust in Me.
For the past few days, you stopped calling My name. But tonight, you did.
You remembered me. In fact, you shouted for me. But your words are no longer with me.
I heard you loud and clear. In tears. With a broken heart, you said, “Jesus, I don’t need you.”
When you reach your end, am I still enough?
When promises are not fulfilled, am I still enough?
When all else fails, am I still going to be enough?
I thought I’d ask you again, am I still enough?
I know you. I know you so well my beloved. You don’t give up easily. You hold on even if there are no more reasons to stay. You fight even if nobody else believes that’s it worth it. You love even if it hurts like hell.
You’ve gone through seasons of hardships and victories. You’ve endured pain. You’ve celebrated joy. You have moved from places to places, reached mountains to mountains. You’ve grown from strength to strength.
But sweetheart, today as you give up, you’ve lost grip of me. There’s no more growing from grace to grace. There’s no more walking from freedom to freedom.
Who are you going to turn to? In this life, who else will ever fulfill your deepest longing? Who else will walk through the valleys of death just to save a heart like yours?
And even if you’ve turned to someone else, my heart is still all over you. You may come empty, but my love will never be. You may look full, but oh I can see you. I see your weeping eyes. This “someone else” may save the day, but I am the One greater, who have already saved your beginning to the end until eternity stands.
So here’s a lesson for you my darling. When you reached your end, I asked you not to give up but to surrender. I asked you to be broken gracefully. I asked you to let me be your strength when you are weak. I asked you to be free from all anxieties and suffering.
Because here I am, your Father, arms wide-open, I’ve already conquered these battles for you. I know what’s going to happen. I know what happened. I know what is happening. I am in control. Let me be in control.
I asked you for one thing: Delight in me.
Delight in my presence. Delight in my goodness. Delight in my mornings. Delight in my timing. Delight in my faithfulness. Cause you’re not alone. Oh, my love, you will never be alone.
As you delight in me, everything will move.
Once closed, will finally be opened.
Not doors. Not connections. Not relationships. Not yet.
Once closed, will finally be opened.
Once closed, will finally be opened.
Your heart, first.
Miracles will follow, I promise you. Strength will be given. Yes will be everywhere.
Call for me. Call for your Father. Don’t work alone. It’s not by your might, not by your power, but by my Spirit.
When you don’t know what to do, kneel down in surrender.
Fight the way you used to fight. By prayers and petitions.
When nothing seems to work, worship will make a way.
Watch how I exalt the humble. Watch how I take delight in those who seek me with all their heart. Watch how I established the ways of a man as he commits his life to me and only me.
Watch as I change your heart, from a heart seeking for victories to a heart longing to be a blessing.
Nothing else fulfills. No one else secures than a love who patiently waits, perfectly heals, and unconditionally loves.
You will hear a thousand good stories. But our adventure together is the best out there. It’s personal. It’s perfectly written. It’s filled with wonders. And sweet little darling, be ready. I will call you deeper. I will lift you higher. You will lose more as you gain more.
This is you. Perfectly flawed. Perfectly loved.