When You’re Lost and You Can’t Tell Anyone
You are not the one in tears. You are also not the one pouring her whole heart out over broken stories. You are not the type who bravely calls in the middle of the night asking for help. You can’t be the one desperate for comfort and encouragement. You can’t be weak. You can’t be lost. You are not like her, except you are—but you can’t.
So you go back home, with a tired heart. Wishing you could also be as vulnerable as your friend. Hoping that tears and words will also come out from you easily. Wishing that you can also open up being broken and lost yet feel still utterly loved and accepted. Hoping to be that one person that you are to all others.
What to do when you’re lost and you can’t tell anyone?
You worship. You stay where you are and let your heart seek the Presence of the holy One. Ignore the lie that you need to move from one companion to another just so you can ease the space of emptiness. You don’t need to be part of many circles of companionship when you know none of them can fulfill your longingness inside.
Remember that it is much more difficult to be found if you are constantly moving to various wrong directions.
Stay where you are and wait on the Lord. Really wait on Him. He promised to meet you right in the middle of the mess you are in. There’s no need to pretend. There’s no need to act so tough. In His presence, you can be weak and He can be strong. He will see everything there is to be seen. He will embrace all the broken pieces that you so carefully hide from others. He will expose those secrets in the dark and set you free—completely and eternally. He will open every door that has been closed and no one else can ever shut it down. He will seal every beautiful promise with His love that never fails. Your past will be seen and your present will be clear.
You won’t feel ashamed. You won’t feel rejected. You won’t feel hopeless.
In His presence, there will be fullness of joy. It will bring peace, clarity, and humility.
When you’re lost and you can’t tell anyone, you kneel and you surrender. Declare it by heart, “I will be found by You so I will stay right here in Your presence.”
Sing it with joy and gladness.
When I’m lost and weary, find me grateful.
When I’m lost and empty, find me in the middle of Your grace.
When I’m lost and helpless, find me in the beauty of Your promises.
‘Till I know, I am found by the love that carried me through.
Open up. See the truth. You’re no longer alone. Would you be still and call this season “home” again? Your heart can be true all over again. You will find your reason to stay and you will find your purpose that still awaits.
Breathe. Mourning won’t last forever. Feel the sweet light of the morning.
Walk shamelessly. You have met the Love that declares, “You are mine and you will forever be.”
Walk. The best is yet to come. My love, you are stronger than ever before. Leave everything behind—fear, unbelief and every insecurity. I have conquered it all. Oh, my love is stronger. My love has set you free.
Today, you have chosen Me and I declare with arms wide-open, you’re no longer lost but strong. Welcome back home.
I’m Glad We Ended
Hi. We haven’t spoken for years yet here I am. I’m now opening the door I’ve completely shut down years ago. I’m now making my first steps to come in again. I am welcoming our past back.
These wounds will no longer be hidden.
Tonight, for the first time since I locked it down, I’m opening our box of memories. I’m slowly, fearlessly, with deep joy in my heart, flipping each pages of moments we had. Tonight, in a very long time, I am seeing you again for all the right things you’ve done and not for that one mistake you made.
Tonight, I am freeing you from all the guilt. I am looking at us again with fresh eyes just like the first time. My heart is overwhelmed by the amount of grace our stories was able to see and get a hold of. We were both so broken but the Lord has brought us to a new chapter far greater than the one we have for ourselves.
It’s a miracle that we’re both standing now facing a new love we both treasure deeply. I have slowly seen how the Lord blessed our broken hearts and led it to a new person who sees us for who we are and not for who they want us to be.
Someone, who holds our hands while patiently unveiling our past, not to shame us or humiliate the person we were, but someone who lovingly wants to be part of every tiny detail of who we are, good or bad. Someone who used our past to learn how to love and respect us authentically, honestly, and purely.
For the record, I now thank the Lord for the heartbreak you’ve given me. That heartbreak protected me from thousand more curses I know that my heart couldn’t possibly take in. Your “goodbye” had defended me with all other immature relationships I could’ve gotten into. The hate you unintentionally left in my heart led me to the greatest love that transforms me into the woman that I am now. When you left me, the heart somehow found it’s way back to its First Love, Jesus.
And this one I know, I’m grateful. I’m glad we ended so I can see myself again worthy of the kind of love way bigger than myself. I’m glad we’ve let each other go so we can be with our own right person, who’s not perfect but beyond doubt delightful in every way.
Thank you for letting go of the love story that’s not meant for both of us. It’s not a failed love story after all. Just something we both can’t stay anymore.
I’ve realized that the heart has the ability to completely forgive and forget but it will always remember the moments which made it stronger. It will always look back to the reason that made it whole again. It will no longer dig into the pain of the past yet it will relive the ones that made it dream again.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me how to dream again.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me how to truly wait.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me that it’s not time which heals.
I can choose to forgive even right after we broke up.
Then it’s the Lord’s job to heal me piece by piece.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me that love is not all about emotions but commitment to fight for each other even if you don’t see the other worthy to be loved.
I’m glad we ended because it taught me how to selflessly give myself away so I can receive more of what God has in store for me.
I’m glad we ended because I saw a glimpse of how God can turn scars to beautiful testimonies.
I’m glad we ended because, for the first time, I saw who I really am in the image of Love, Himself.
I am made to love, made to forgive, and made for His purpose.
I’m glad we ended so God’s purpose can finally begin in me.
How to Help Someone Open Up?
When We First Met
When we first met, I thought to myself, “Is this real? He’s coming towards me. He’s here.”
All my walls got broken. Your presence had blown me away. You’ve won my heart.
For that moment, I knew, I’m keeping you. I’m keeping you close. I’m keeping you tighter than ever.
For once, both my mind and my heart said, “Yes.”
There were no fights. I can’t even remember my mind asking questions nor my heart doubting and fearing. They just want the same thing at the same time.
They want you. All of you. Just you.
When we first met, I thought to myself, “I’m going to make him stay. I will never let go.”
I am determined to make you a constant. I have tasted and seen of how good life is with you and there’s no way I’m letting go. I’m never going back to where my life used to be. You’ve brought me to a greater height. You’ve made me reached the hope of making things possible. You’ve drowned me in a love, which accepts who I am as I am.
When we first met, I thought to myself, “How can I make you stay?”
So I’ve made up mind to know you more. I’ve read books after books about you. All about you. You amazed me. You inspired me. You made me hungry for more of you and do you know what’s more exciting? It’s the wonder that knowing you also meant knowing me.
You’ve made me discover things about myself that no one has ever told me before. I have strengths and weaknesses; both are welcomed in you.
You’ve brought me to people, who know you far longer than I do. They encouraged me to walk longer and even farther. To step into the unknown, to believe to the promises yet to be fulfilled, to have hope that never dies. They told me, “You will never be alone.”
When we first met, I thought to myself, “Is he going to get tired of me too?”
I’m scared. I’ve been running. I’ve been working. I’m making our relationship work.
I don’t want to lose you. Not you.
I’m afraid that when you see the one thing that I have been keeping to myself, you’ll turn away too. I’m not scared of the shame and condemnation.
I’m scared of not having you because you’ve grown tired of me failing you over and over again.
I’m scared that you no longer see me as your beauty but just another story.
I’m scared of not being involved with you.
When we first met, I thought to myself, “Is this worth it? Am I worthy?”
When we first met, I told myself, “Oh she has no idea how I’m going to make her world turn upside down. I’m going to love her from the beginning ’till the end.”
I moved heaven and earth just for us to reach this moment — when we first met.
In fact, this wasn’t the first time I laid my eyes on you. I have been watching you from afar. I have been keeping you safe. I have been reaching during your busy days. I have been whispering all day and all night that I love you.
I have waited for you. You are everything I made you to be.
When we first met, I told myself, “I am committed to her. My love for her will be the same yesterday, today and forever.”
You’ve held me tighter than anybody else could. You made me smile.
You even told me that I am yours. I like that. I kept those words in the tablet of my heart.
I am yours. You are mine.
You were so eager to know me. You were so eager to know us. You dived into the wisdom of books and listened to so many words of people. Yet, I hoped you have asked me. The one thing I have been longing, for you to come and ask. I want our relationship to be personal.
Remember, I am yours, you are mine.
When you heard enough, then I wondered, why did you suddenly grew tired? You started doubting. Trusting me is no longer enough. Your grip started to loosen. Your doubts are taking over, but I’m still holding you longer, forever.
When we first met, I told myself, “I will never get tired of you.”
You are the reason for my existence.
You are the reason for my beautiful death.
You are the reason for this fight.
There’s nothing that you could do to make me love you less.
When we first met, I told myself, “Everything is worth it. This, right here, is worth it. She is going to be everything I made her to be; gracious and kind, forgiving and abounding, always curious but eternally victorious.”
When we first met, I told myself, “One day, she will realize that nothing in this world will ever separate her from my love.”
You stumble and cry, I am here. Go back to where we first met.
You met this man and you got your heart broken, I am still here. Go back to where we first met.
You have put your hope to things with temporary value and it crushed you, pieces to pieces, I am still here my beloved. Go back to where we first met.
You felt ashamed. You’re surrounded by lies. You’re blinded by condemnation. I’m coming through. I’m here, where we first met.
Come back, come back.
— when we first met.
You Don’t Deserve To Be Loved
Yet you are loved nonetheless.
There are so many people who I would hear crying and demanding every single day with the same sentiment, “I deserve to be loved.”
And there are also hundreds of times I witnessed friends and family responding with, “Yes. You really do deserve to be loved. So go, leave that person and find that one who would love you like no other.”
I hate to break it, sweetheart. I might even be the first one to say this. You may not even agree with me but today, I want you to hear the other side of the story, “You don’t deserve to be loved but you are loved nonetheless.”
Isn’t that a better truth to live out every day rather than having so much self-entitlement to be loved by people who are also equally hungry for the very love that no human being is capable to give?
But the sad truth is, so many of us have fallen to this kind of thinking. It’s heartbreaking to see someone continually run for love that will never fulfill.
Here’s the thing; When you constantly live a life which demands love from people, it will not just drain the people around you, but it will also trap you in a boring cycle of, “Do it and I’ll do it for you. Love me and I’ll love you too.”
Every time you proclaim that you deserve to be loved, it’s as if telling people, “Your love is not enough.”
Every time you shout this selfish ugly truth, you also silently scream, “You have not met my standards. Do better. Love me better.”
When are you ever gonna learn that you don’t need any reason to love? Love is dying to your own self, forsaking all others, forsaking your own needs, and going the extra mile without leaving each other. Love is honoring one another above yourselves. In love, there’s no room for “selfie,” it’s always “you before me.”
“I don’t deserve to be loved but I am loved nonetheless.”
“I am loved despite my faults and weaknesses.”
“I am loved despite my past.”
“I am loved despite being me.”
You are dearly loved despite being you.
When you fully grasp this truth, you will be able to freely love someone even if not receiving anything in return. You will be able to live a life not dependent on anyone’s actions or words. You will be able to walk on a secured life knowing that no matter what other people would throw at you, you are loved, despite being you.
So the next time you hear someone say, “I deserve to be loved.” please don’t feed their selfish yearning. Respond the way that they are not expecting. Tell them gently, “Hey, actually, you don’t deserve to be loved. None of us do. But you know what? We don’t deserve to be loved yet we are loved completely, deeply, and passionately.”
There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who gives endlessly yet grows overwhelmingly. She’s not lacking of anything. She likes herself better when she’s with people equally broken like her. She finds joy in putting herself last.
She rests in the peace knowing that she is loved by her greatest Lover who loved her first and proclaims daily, “You are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms.”
Hold on a Little Longer
So I see that you’ve reached your end. You walked out from the fight and left everything else we worked hard for. You said that you’re going to wait but I guess the waiting is over. You grew tired. You’ve let go of my hands, of my heart, and of my leading. You lost trust in Me.
For the past few days, you stopped calling My name. But tonight, you did.
You remembered me. In fact, you shouted for me. But your words are no longer with me.
I heard you loud and clear. In tears. With a broken heart, you said, “Jesus, I don’t need you.”
When you reach your end, am I still enough?
When promises are not fulfilled, am I still enough?
When all else fails, am I still going to be enough?
I thought I’d ask you again, am I still enough?
I know you. I know you so well my beloved. You don’t give up easily. You hold on even if there are no more reasons to stay. You fight even if nobody else believes that’s it worth it. You love even if it hurts like hell.
You’ve gone through seasons of hardships and victories. You’ve endured pain. You’ve celebrated joy. You have moved from places to places, reached mountains to mountains. You’ve grown from strength to strength.
But sweetheart, today as you give up, you’ve lost grip of me. There’s no more growing from grace to grace. There’s no more walking from freedom to freedom.
Who are you going to turn to? In this life, who else will ever fulfill your deepest longing? Who else will walk through the valleys of death just to save a heart like yours?
And even if you’ve turned to someone else, my heart is still all over you. You may come empty, but my love will never be. You may look full, but oh I can see you. I see your weeping eyes. This “someone else” may save the day, but I am the One greater, who have already saved your beginning to the end until eternity stands.
So here’s a lesson for you my darling. When you reached your end, I asked you not to give up but to surrender. I asked you to be broken gracefully. I asked you to let me be your strength when you are weak. I asked you to be free from all anxieties and suffering.
Because here I am, your Father, arms wide-open, I’ve already conquered these battles for you. I know what’s going to happen. I know what happened. I know what is happening. I am in control. Let me be in control.
I asked you for one thing: Delight in me.
Delight in my presence. Delight in my goodness. Delight in my mornings. Delight in my timing. Delight in my faithfulness. Cause you’re not alone. Oh, my love, you will never be alone.
As you delight in me, everything will move.
Once closed, will finally be opened.
Not doors. Not connections. Not relationships. Not yet.
Once closed, will finally be opened.
Once closed, will finally be opened.
Your heart, first.
Miracles will follow, I promise you. Strength will be given. Yes will be everywhere.
Call for me. Call for your Father. Don’t work alone. It’s not by your might, not by your power, but by my Spirit.
When you don’t know what to do, kneel down in surrender.
Fight the way you used to fight. By prayers and petitions.
When nothing seems to work, worship will make a way.
Watch how I exalt the humble. Watch how I take delight in those who seek me with all their heart. Watch how I established the ways of a man as he commits his life to me and only me.
Watch as I change your heart, from a heart seeking for victories to a heart longing to be a blessing.
Nothing else fulfills. No one else secures than a love who patiently waits, perfectly heals, and unconditionally loves.
You will hear a thousand good stories. But our adventure together is the best out there. It’s personal. It’s perfectly written. It’s filled with wonders. And sweet little darling, be ready. I will call you deeper. I will lift you higher. You will lose more as you gain more.
This is you. Perfectly flawed. Perfectly loved.
Dear Self, I Promise You.
I know that we haven’t spoken for quite some time now. I see you every day but I have forgotten to love you in His way.
I’ve pushed you, a lot. I’ve pushed you to pursue things that have taken away your joy. I’ve pushed you to go to places where your heart is not into. I’ve pushed you to stay even if you’re draining yourself away.
You’re beyond admirable, do you know that? You have shown me that there are miracles in staying. You have made me believe that your purpose is unbreakable no matter where life brings you. You fought battles you’ve won the moment you said, “Lord, only by your grace.”
But you’ve also pushed. You pushed us to continue walking on water even if it was the darkest of all nights. It was one of the scariest things we’ve ever done but you held on tight. Not to me, not even to your own strength but to the One who called your name. How can you possibly trust the voice whose only words are, “I am with you.”
You’re right. Of course, you’re always right. Only by His grace.
Hey self, thank you for pushing. We’ve seen wonders because of your brave wild heart. I will continually trust His voice with you. He is our Captain. I will believe again because you did. I will believe again no matter how long this journey would be. Through strong winds and heavy rains. We will believe again and again and again. After all, our Captain knows where we’re going. His voice is our peace.
For all that, self, I want you to promise me something. Promise me you’d enjoy our journey. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Promise me that you will save the best for yourself, for us. Self, we’re not made for leftovers.
I’m struggling, buddy. I’m struggling on how you greatly love others yet you’ve almost left nothing for us. I see how you lavishly speak grace and gentleness to our friends but nobody knows how you cry in the middle of the night, in pain and in search for the very love you’re giving.
You always give but you never come back for refilling. You kill us both with your sweet smiles of comfort for others. It kills me to see you so selflessly give all that you have just to receive nothing but rejections and pain. You kill us. You kill us when you try to please men. You take away everything that God has richly entrusted to us because you run to the love that will never fulfill. You took away our joy.
But self, I love you.
I love you for all that you are.
Because you are good.
You are selflessly good.
You forgive like no other.
You love beyond compare.
And you are nothing apart from the King of our heart.
We are nothing apart from the King of our heart. And self, we’re good only because He is good. We’re able to forgive because He has released forgiveness even before we have sinned. We can love because we have been loved, tremendously, abundantly, oh so exceedingly.
And here’s how He loves; wholeheartedly.
Self, stop loving people by giving yourself piece by piece. Our heart is not meant to be given in fragments. We have been given the love that is not broken. Our love is extravagant. Our God is extravagant. So the next time we love, we give in whole and we receive in full. The love that doesn’t make sense. The love that rejoices not just in our beginnings and endings but delights in all our in-betweens.
Self, we’ll go far in this love. Some days, we’ll be dead tired but as long as we’re growing more and more like our King, the love that doesn’t make sense will be the love that will keep us running, reaching, and surrendering. Because here’s the thing: we no longer need to cover anything. He has seen it all and loves us all the same. No need to hide. We are safe in the arms that proclaim, “I have loved you before you even knew it was love.”
Hey buddy, shall we? Are you ready to keep moving? Are you ready to go deeper and higher to the journey that is set before us? I am whenever you are. Take all the time you need. I can wait because you have always been the best teammate. We truly make the best team.
I promise you. You will never be alone.
Sorry to Disappoint but Love is Unfair
“I am willing to do everything for her. I just want her to at least appreciate that.”
“I did all that he asked me. How is it not enough yet?”
“He doesn’t pursue me anymore. I felt so loved before but he just stopped doing the little things.”
“I quit. I quit from loving you.”
Oh, dear. When the going gets tough, it doesn’t mean it’s the time to quit, not in love, not in relationships.
Love is good but love is also unfair.
For you who is in a relationship now and you’re struggling, I pray that these words will speak answers to your heart. I pray that more than saving your relationship, it would save you from drowning into your own deceiving thoughts.
Wake up, sweetheart. Listen to me, love is unfair. And the sooner you accept that imperfection, the quicker you’d see how God is working in your relationship and in your heart.
Who said that men should love women more?
Whoever said that you should love a person more than s/he loves you?
Those questions are just way too silly. A pointless set of standard.
1. Love shouldn’t be measured
Women, it doesn’t matter whether he loves you more than you love him. Love is not a race. Love is not a game of tug-of-war. Love shouldn’t be measured.
For if it is, then guess what? His love for you will never be enough. Do you want your man to spend all his life on just meeting the relationship standards you just made up? And if he didn’t live up to the measurement, then, therefore, he failed on loving you. He failed on sacrificing himself because apparently, he wasn’t able to satisfy these worldly cravings you’re asking him.
He wasn’t able to buy you flowers. Too bad, he doesn’t remember you anymore.
He doesn’t reply as fast as he did before. Oh, what a shame? He’s just way too busy for you.
He doesn’t tell you all the sweet stuff anymore. Girl, leave him. He’s not worth it!
Is that how love should be? Did you really just expect good sweet days when you said yes to him? Just all happy blissful days, huh? None of the messy stuff? None of the ugly fights? None of the sad draining days?
What if I tell you that it’s during those ugly days that your love truly grows?
It’s during those ugly days that you get to grow together.
It’s during those ugly days that you get to ask hard questions.
It’s during those ugly days that you get to search your heart for what truly matters, him or your heart’s desires?
It’s during those ugly days that you get to come much closer to the feet of the Lord. Asking for more grace. Asking for a heart to forgive deeper. Asking for all the bad records to be made clean all over again. To be made new. For you and for him.
And let me tell you, nothing beats the beauty of ugly days. Don’t miss it just because he wasn’t able to give you flowers that soon will fade.
2. Love declares, “I’ll do it for you even if you wouldn’t for me.”
I find it so fascinating how relationships push us to our limits and beyond. I find it admirable to see someone give without receiving anything in return. I find it attractive to see someone so passionate about doing things even without having people to commend him.
He gives and he’s happy.
He works to the best of his ability and his fulfilled.
He encourages people on his own worst day and he ended up being so in love.
That’s how it should be.
Because giving changes us. Love changes us. Selfless love does something deep in us.
So, dear friends, do it. Love is unfair. You’ll do it even if he wouldn’t.
At the end of the day, what truly counts is not really the words or things you receive but the amount of yourself you’ve given. Give so that you can be filled again until you overflow with an immeasurable amount of joy.
3. We made love unfair.
Do you know that since the beginning of days, there’s someone who willingly gave everything he has just to win your heart every single day?
There’s this guy who is crazily madly deeply in love with you.
There’s this guy who gets nothing but rejection from you and from me and from the world yet still proudly claims in his heart, “I love you, no matter what.”
All that is Jesus.
He’s the only One who can choose to stay despite seeing all the ugly parts of you and me.
He’s the only One who can constantly give Himself without ever expecting anything in return.
He’s the only One who sees how beautiful unconditional love is once shared with you.
He gives all that He is to us and yet, we still foolishly ask for flowers that soon will fade.
We made love unfair for Him but He proves His love for us, every day.
He wakes you up every morning, delightful to see you conquer new mountains, but all you do is to complain how high they are. Rather than tapping on the strength and grace He has already freely given you.
He’s all, “Give the love that is unfair to me and I’ll make it the love that never changes for you.”
He’s all about you and guess what? You’re all about Him too.
Go and love like Him. You can.
Because you have been.
Babalik Ka Rin
Hindi naman talaga kita nakalimutan.
Maari bang tuluyang mawala ang lahat ng meron tayo?
Maari bang makalimutan kung paano natin napatunayan sa mundo na hindi lahat ng bago, masama?
Maari bang hindi na ituloy ang kaisa-isang bagay na tumutulak sakin magpatuloy?
Maari bang makalimot ang puso?
Babalik ka rin.
Alam ko, babalik ka rin. Alam ko na magkakaroon ulit ng bagong tayo. Alam ko, alam ng puso ko.
Pero ngayon, titigil muna tayo.
May bukas, ngunit wala munang ngayon.
May pag-asa, ngunit wala munang pilitan.
Mahal kita ngunit titigil muna.
Titigil muna para sa tamang panahon, kapag hindi na kita kayang ipagpalit sa mga bagay na panandalian lang, mahanap ulit kita. Mahanap ko ulit tayo.
Titigil muna para mabigyan ko ng pagkakataon ang puso kong lumaban.
Titigil muna para ikaw naman ang mahanap, ang maipaglaban.
Titigil muna para makabuo ulit ng istorya na may panibagong tagpuan.
Maari bang itigil muna ang ngayon para may bukas?
Gustong gusto kita pero hindi ko gusto kung anong meron tayo.
Gusto kong magsimula ulit. Kahit masakit. Kahit may masasaktan. Kahit lahat ng nakasanayan, mawala.
Kasi sigurado ako, babalik ka rin.
Hindi ako tumatakas. Hindi rin ako umiiwas.
Wala namang tatakasan. Wala ring iiwasan. Pero may kailangan iwanan.
Kailangang mamili. Kailangang may piliin.
Iiwanan kita pero pipiliin ko tayo.
Pipiliin kong maniwala sa sinasabi ng Diyos, “May sakit pero may Ako.”
Babalik ka rin. Babalik rin ako. Sa kamay na kahit kailan hindi mang-iiwan.
May sakit pero may ako. May sakit pero may ako. May sakit pero may ako.
May darating na bukas.
May darating na bagong ikaw.
May darating na bagong ako.
Babalik ka rin.