First, let’s make it clear that there was really a confession that happened. That sounds funny but I just have to establish that truth.
The problem with this generation is that there are just so many ladies who turn down men even without a clear confession of their intent to pursue. Most of the times, women turn down men because they “feel” like there’s something going on. While emotions can help you discern things, don’t allow it to lead your actions. Be wise. Do your job of guarding the wellspring of life, your heart.
So let’s say that a man politely asked you out and courteously expressed his intention of pursuing you. Yet, you just know deep in your heart that he’s not the guy for you. Here are few pointers that you might just want to consider before you respond.
1. Listen with all your heart.
Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
Don’t cut him off if you hear something that you completely disagree on. Give him all the time he needs to express his intention. Consider the days he has thought and seriously prayed about this moment. Respect that.
Listen with the intent to hear his voice and not to counteract his words. Let him know that you are willing to hear him out. Establish a comfortable spirit wherein he can just pour out his heart.
2. Transition well, ladies.
I cannot overemphasize how important it is to transition. Not just in this kind of situation, but in every season of your life. Transition well. Don’t skip it. God is the God of order. I believe that “transition” is His way of building your life all together. Not leaving the past seasons completely behind but carrying it with you as you learn from them.
Transition well ladies. Please don’t begin right away with, “I’m sorry but it’s a no.”
It’s the perfect time to use your gentleness as a woman. Appreciate the fact that this gentleman went out from his comfort zone and risked a possible rejection. Honor him by giving thanks on his vulnerable act of laying down his heart — perhaps something like, “Thank you. I’m glad that this conversation happened. Thank you for stepping out of your faith just so to be clear with your motive as a man but..”
3. Be compassionately clear.
Although transitioning is important, don’t go around with it for so long. Transitions are made to be short (and sweet). Express that you are certain as to where God is leading you for the present season and for the seasons to come.
Ask yourself: Are you saying no to the timing or are you completely saying no to the person? Be clear.
Because it is completely possible that you also see this guy as your future partner yet it is not yet the right time to give your yes. Maybe you’re still studying or you’re trying to focus in building your career or helping the family, and adding another big priority — entering the dating stage — is not likely wise for the season.
Trust that as God directs you to respect your seasons, He will also give your right man the overflowing grace to wait.
However, be compassionately clear but do not give any reason for false hope. Genuinely release this man from this chapter of his life. Let him move forward to what God has called him to do next. Do not let him linger around thoughts that he can try again just because you said, “I am not ready yet but let’s try again in a few months.”
Don’t give unsure promises. Leave it all to the Author of time, Jesus.
4. Process it with him.
Please don’t be rude. Don’t leave right away after you drop your no.
Allow him to ask questions. Allow him to express sadness but remain objective. As women, one of our greatest weaknesses is being poorly emotional. So hold your ground, girl. This is a serious business.
Accept the awkwardness of the situation yet have confidence that God is currently doing something to his heart and your heart.
Try to encourage the person and decide that you will end with a good note. Value the friendship you share with this man. There’s no better way to end conversations than submitting and committing everything to the Lord through prayer.
Build up this man once again by planting seeds of prayer to his heart. Cut off any lies that the enemy might plant to his heart that he will never be good enough to any woman. The fact is, he is few steps away from being the man that God wants him to be.