I waited and it hurts.

One of the doors that God opened for me this year is to be able to spend my Saturday mornings teaching homestudy/homeschooled kids.

This morning though, was exceptional.

A 9-year old boy entered my class and immediately, without dropping off his bag on his chair, went to the big glass window and stared at it for heaven knows how long.

I was watching him closely.
Tempted to disturb his thoughts.
Tempted to ask if everything was okay.
Finally, he turned around and said,

“Teacher, I’m depressed.”

“Oh boy, come here. Tell me about it please.”

“You see, I only get out of the house every Saturday. I only get to see the sun every Saturday. But today? He’s not just there. He didn’t show up. I waited all week just to see him but HE IS NOT JUST THERE.”

Tears were streaming down his face.
And my heart was crushed to pieces.

It made me remember all my worst fears in life.

Waiting in vain.

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What if my graduate school application will not be approved?
What if the ultimate “plan” won’t get to pass?
What if my dream “country” is not for me? (heart breaking)
What if the car I am craving for is yet again not for me? (another heart break)
And yes.
What if the man of my dreams and prayers is not the man God has in mind?
What if he won’t come? (crying waterfalls)

And then I realized, to be sincerely joyful, we must be willing to suffer. I don’t like that. Just writing it down makes my heart shrink back.

Waiting requires much patience and much firmness of spirit. People who are stunningly beautiful are those who have had their hearts broken and enlarged by sufferings.

It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged.
The waiting should not decrease us.

And when the things get painful, you may call unto God for help.
But God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. You know how He does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it.

He is after something much more valuable than our happiness.
Much more authentic than our needs.
He is after our restoring and growing

. . .and sometimes, it hurts.

Yet wait there. Invite Jesus to come, there.

He will come.
Who cares if the “sun” won’t?

He will come.
Not always to satisfy us by giving us what we want.
But to come Himself; to meet us with His very Person
To satisfy us with Himself.

Trust God when He says,

“There’s nothing that my love won’t heal.”

And you will feel more alive than ever.