Three days ago, I was faced with the question, “Joena, there’s no one courting you?” It took me a while to answer, mostly on my account of confusion.

Later that day, I received a comment from a friend, “’s because she doesn’t have a boyfriend.” First off, my dear friend, language please? Second of all, I don’t think not having a boyfriend makes me less of who I am in God. How. Dare. You.

I forgive you. 🙂

And then, yesterday, I was in the salon, pampering myself, when three giggling girls entered and caught my attention. They were in their school uniforms discussing what kind of hairstyle would make their hot-guy-in-school notice them. Oh dear.

Screen_Shot_2014-02-20_at_12_FotorWe are all in big trouble. Sadly, we’re all part of the problem. We’ve created a culture that puts pressure on men and women to get into a relationship at a certain time, a certain age, in a certain way.

Now, if any of these encounters taught me something, here’s what it would say:

1. Date Yourself
Just last week, I realized that I love banana granola with yogurt. It is the best thing in the world. I am not a breakfast person, but it seriously changed the game.

You see? My point is, there’s so much to discover about yourself. Discover your real taste in music. Discover your true passion. Discover your strengths (and weaknesses). Discover your limitations. Discover what irritates you. Discover what makes your love tank full.

And it’s okay if it would take you long.

While it may be so tempting to search for love, don’t do it without first taking the time to “date” yourself—in other words, get to know yourself. Know who you are, what you need and where you’re going. Get a good grasp of the story you’re creating for yourself, because only then will you be able to recognize the kind of person who fits into your story.

2. Don’t focus on the word, “Single”
This is a very dangerous trap. I have seen a lot of single men and women who made it their life mission to find the one who would shift the relationship status from “Single” to “In a relationship.”

In between these lines, a lot of booby trap happen. Women started to touch insecurities, feeling like, “I have to be someone for me to be loved.” Men en route for their mixed signals and if faced with rejections, they would relax to the idea of, “After all… friendship is fine, commitment sucks.”

Focus here: build relationships. Spend time with the amazing people around you. Get in touch with those mentors who invested their time and money in you. Plan an out of town trip with your family. Join fellowships in your incredible church community.

When all is said and done, you’ll realized that you made your “us” not just you and him, but you and him together with wonderful people around you. Ahh, isn’t that a beautiful relationship goal?

3. Do Not Fear Being Alone
So much compromise, settling and life-altering mistakes happen in a person because they would rather be with someone than deal with the fear of being alone.

Ask yourself, “Do you want your good now, or God’s best later?”

So much of our life is wasted in this “fear,” when God is calling us to enjoy the life He’s given us right here and right now. Tomorrow won’t make things better, if we can’t learn to enjoy today in Jesus name, by His all-surpassing power, and all-consuming grace. We don’t need another thing to happen in order for us to live our lives, we just need more of Him. He’s given us so many blessings in this day, and we were made to rejoice in it.

My prayer for you who are single, like me, is that we learn to enjoy every moment of the life God has given us. I pray that we wouldn’t allow the enemy to rob us of the joys that are fully ours in Jesus.

Think about this

. . .if you could love the wrong one so much, imagine how much you will love the right one on the most perfect tick of the clock?

After all, we serve the AUTHOR of time.

8 thoughts on “Don’t Act Desperate, Because You’re Not

  1. Joy27 says:

    very great ideas about having a relationship were discussed and expressed here. 🙂 I am also single, and i am happy about it, yet it’s true that there will be many temptations around us especially when the word/status “single” is emphasized.. but there should be no pressure 😀 thank you for this!

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