IMG_7784

“We just stopped talking.”

I saw you while I’m having my Thursday run at the park. If this was few months ago, without hesitation, we could have been enjoying a good talk now. But no, this is reality. I don’t know if it would be comfortable now for both of us to even start a conversation. How did that happen? We used to update each other with every single thing before.

A new youtube video from our favorite artist? I’d share it to you straight away. I just knew in my spirit that you’ll love it no matter what (and if you don’t, you’d still say, “Cool.”)

A new coffee shop around the village? It’s you I’d message first. Eating buddies, forever!

When I needed help? Emergencies? No doubt, it was you I’ll bug. In viber, in messenger, in line ..in every way possible. I know you wouldn’t mind. You won’t be annoyed. In fact, you’ll drop everything just to be of help.

There was never a time when we felt like we needed to censor our hurts because we both knew we could carry the weight the other couldn’t.

Because that’s how we were. We got each other’s back.

Yet, life. Life happened. We started letting go of overnight chats. We stopped putting an effort to make our schedules match. Days passed without asking, “Did you get home safe?” “How was your strange boss today?” “Hey, new travel spot! Check this link.” We just let it pass. Little that we know, we had slowly wiped out ‘me and you’ from each other’s lives.

From being regulars, we became each other’s occasional constant.

“New people came. We are no longer each other’s favorite.”

I guess this is harder. A tougher truth to handle.

This time, life didn’t choose for us. We decided for ourselves. We have chosen to close doors for us because we both knew that better people are on their way. Oh, scratch that. We both knew that the right people are on their way.

Our season is over.

God said, “You can’t bring him anymore. He has already served his purpose.”

And you have served it well. For that, I would be forever grateful.

“I wish I obeyed sooner.”

There were days that God would intentionally hurt me. He knew that it is only in pain that I would lose sight of you and have my focus back to Him.

I was so blinded of all your beauty and the good things we shared together that I forgot to pursue my biggest Breakthrough.

“You have left your First Love.”- Revelation 2:4

So today, I release you. You are free.

No more strings attached. I will no longer force us to happen.

And instead of asking why I have to let you go, now I ask, what beauty will I create in the space you no longer occupy?

To the guy I saw in the park, I am now walking away. I will no longer wait.

And, with grace in my heart, I have arrived at a place in my life where I am more certain and satisfied with only One thing – one being in Christ. I am excited to see my First Love.

 

With so much gratitude,

Joena