Dear Friend: How Real is Your How Are You?

Yes, you were kind enough to ask the question.

“Friend, how are you?”


Yet, your eyes were not even looking at me. They were busy. Looking for someone else. Maybe another friend who is really fun to be with. Maybe that friend who you were with in all your instagram photos. I’m sorry that it came to a point like this, where your “How are you?” is no longer a joy to ask but a responsibility to endure.

You asked, “how are you?”

Yet, it seems like your heart doesn’t want to meet my heart. It is not open for words. It is not even ready to listen. It is not willing to listen. Oh dear friend, your heart is an a rush. If only your how are you can sit down for a while and spend a few minutes with me, you will discover that we have few words left unsaid. We will enjoy a conversation that can go beyond your rushed question.

You asked, “how are you?”

Yet, you don’t want to talk about the past. You wanted me to forget right away. My beloved friend, if you were really listening, you would know that I am still in deep pain and forgiveness is something I can’t give just yet. If your ears were really with me, you would know that I want you to ask more and more questions instead of telling me words that I already heard from those bunch of people. I thought you were going to be different.

I thought your how are you will see right through me.
I thought your how are you is present and presently engaged
..yet you are too busy with that smart phone
I thought your how are you is eager to get to know me more.
I thought your how are you is ready to see the darkest of me,
and it will not scare you: but rather drew you in.
I thought your how are you will understand that I have a scarred heart and wounded soul,
and both a have a beautiful story to tell.

Ask me again my dear friend.

But this time, ask me with a harder question,
“How is your heart?”

Ask me about my heart because my life flows from it. It is my wellspring. When you asked me about my heart, it’s a question that demands honesty. It demands getting with those who will graciously rebuke you because they love you and know you can do better. It takes knowing that you might be wrong, that you might be blinded, that you don’t have it right this time. It takes confession.

Please don’t pamper me with your how are you.

“..let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18)

Set me free with your strong yet gentle rebukes.
Pursue me with your sweet embrace.
Restore me back with your pure intimacy.

My dear friend, please do not waste your time spreading your short-lived “how are yous.” I want you start acting on it. As soon as you do this, we will unfold bolder and higher great secrets. The greatest part? We are together. Eye to eye. Heart to heart.

I need you to ask me again.

But this time, I need you to ask with compassion. Everyone loves the idea of compassion until it costs them. We love the idea of love until it comes to unlovable people. Well, guess what? I am one of them. And when you asked an unlovable person the “How are you?” question, it is not going to be a romantic scenario. It is going to be messy, difficult, heartbreaking, and will require your whole life. Are you ready for that?

Because if you would ask me, if I am ready for all of those, without a doubt, I would say, “yes.”

What people don’t realize is loving the unlovable is breathtaking. When you’re face to face, chair to chair, eye to eye with a real person, there’s nothing like seeing the lights go on, the lies disentangled, the burden lifted, the problems exposed, the trauma healed, the heart rejoicing — there is absolutely nothing that compares to the pinnacle of God’s glory in one human being loving another.

Because that’s how it is supposed to be.

Your how are you should be an outward expression of..
“Friend, here I am. Equally broken like you, yet ready to love you deeper. Lets take this conversation higher, together.”

“Love each other deeply.” (1 Peter 4:8)

7 thoughts on “Dear Friend: How Real is Your How Are You?

  1. wow. So nice. Amen to the word of God. Can I request a blog post from you about a friend that was always been taken for granted and was being always a second choice but that friend puts its friends as its first choice. I mean, isn’t that unfair? Can you write a blog for that? 🙂 thanks in advance! God bless you 🙂

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