Miguel,
Never in my wildest dreams that I would write a letter like this. You came in as a surprise. To tell you the truth, since the day I opened the blog for letter requests, I have been receiving messages asking for advices on romantic relationships, how to fight persecution, how to handle finances (what do i know about money?! yikes) and even how to prepare a debut accordingly. I know. It’s crazy. It’s crazily good.
But not like yours.
Hey Migs. Oops i just gave you a nickname there. Sorry, it’s a habit. Anyway, how are you today? What did you eat for breakfast? Which part of the world are you staying?
I know so little about you.
“I’m a cancer patient.”
I wish you had share more. I wish you’d say..
“Hey Joena, I love football. I have a dog named after a funny cartoon character. I really enjoyed the last concert I’ve been to. It went wild. I hate mushrooms ..and by the way, I’m a cancer patient.”
Do you think you could do that for me? Let that cancer patient thing be just a “by the way” of your life.
Let it be that tiny information about yourself that you would even forget to mention it. Because I believe deep in my spirit that you are a cool guy. Cancer is not you.
Enough about cancer. Let’s get this letter started. I’ll tell you stories on how my life is going on lately. Is that okay? I feel like through this you’d somehow know something about the sender of this letter, me.
Migs, I shared a word in our church yesterday. It was a short preaching about Moses and how He asked the presence of the Lord to never leave him. I think I talked way too fast. Haha I even forgot to mention some points that I repeatedly rehearsed in my mind. It went well though. I received few thumbs up and compliments from my church mates but really, all that matters is that the Word of God has been delivered to the hearts of His people, right? I can’t re-write something that God has already written out.
I also ate the best curry in town last night. For only 50 baht! Can you imagine? Oh you should know that I am currently based here in Bangkok and almost everything here is amazingly cheap. I could survive daily with a good food having only a hundred baht in my purse. Seriously. I’d bring you there Migs if the circumstances would allow us to. Uhm.. do you like curry though?
Also, I’d like to share the biggest news to you about the blog. I got an offer this week from an iOs devotional company to publish few of my blogs in their app. I was nothing but delighted. I mean, I was just the girl who writes stories from the corner of her bed and then all of a sudden, all those write ups will be published in over 5o countries? Goodness gracious Migs. God really has bigger plans than I have for myself.
Yet, with all these good things happening. I’d like you to know that I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. I cried so much. I prayed so much. I think I told God things that made Him say, “What’s the matter, honey?”
“God, is it okay that I’m the only one who doesn’t want to change the world? I mean, that’s not for me. Give it to others. I just want this. I just want simple.”
“God, can I be honest and tell the whole world that my life is not perfect. I am not the person they think I am. Can you tell that girl to stop stalking me in twitter and instagram? Please. I don’t feel any worthy of attention and compliment. I’m perfectly okay being seen.”
“God, I don’t know what to do at this point at this very moment. I just want rest in Your arms.
And then, I thought of you. I thought of you, Migs.
I wondered how many times you’ve said, “I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.”
I wondered how many times people said that just to cover up the raging war that has been happening in their hearts.
Migs, I want you to know that it’s okay to admit that you’re not doing well.
That sometimes people want to be positive yet I want to be that person who’d start her prayer,
God, this is really scary.
And without looking, I knew tears will be falling.
Someone should say it Migs. The thing no one wants to say. Your sickness is scary. It hurts. It sabotages dreams and hopes that have been so beautifully put together. You’re bleeding everywhere.
I’m giving you the permission to say it out loud. Let it out. Let yourself bleed a little before we clean it up so fast like it never happened. You need to hurt. You need to break down. You need to weep.
Then after the bleeding, we’ll fight one more time.
After the weeping, we’ll fight one more time.
Because I still hold unswervingly to this promise, “..weeping may last for the night but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)
Let God loves you in pain and in joy.
Hang in there cool guy,
PS. What did you say about marrying me?
joenasandiego.com 