“What’s wrong with two people spending time together?”
“We’re just friends.”
“Are you sure?”
Let’s clarify this: I am not against guy-girl friendship. I’m all up to it. Thinking of it now, I even have more guy friends than those from my gender.
By this means, my heart has fallen to plentiful of mistakes. Not all of my guy friendships started pure. Because oh dear, there are just guys who seems to be “The one.”
I recall the time when a guy friend walked me from church going to the place where I’m having my ladies small group. Mind you, I have already planned our wedding, naming our kids, and designing our beautiful home during that 15 minute walk. I am not joking. I have been guilty of this while my poor guy friend had no idea how adorable our kids are.
Although when asked by one of my mentors, “Joena, how are you and _____?”
“We’re good Ate. We’re just friends.”
Yikes. Isn’t that such a big lie?
I also observed this to many singles — yes, Christian singles. We enjoy sending signals and then we disown them when confrontation comes. After all, it’s in our hope that they will come sooner or later, even if God is not in the picture.
So let’s have a quick heart check to that “we’re just friends” mark, shall we?
1. Do you guys appear to be a couple to those around you?
Because if the answer to this is yes, you might want to step back a bit. Remember that out of the overflow of our heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45) So as with what our actions show. I know that we are not made to please people. That’s true. You should not live up to what people would say about your life. But, don’t you think we should be grateful to have people who are willing to speak life and correct us? To mentor us? Value those people. Contemplate to what they are telling you. Be accountable to them, especially to this friendship that we’re talking about.
If you guys appear to be a couple to those around you, this only means that no one could come close to your heart, including the one that God has for you. The more you spend time with Mr. Wrong, the less available you are to Mr. Right.
2. Do you pay special attention to each other?
Do you share things to this guy friend that you don’t normally share to your other guy friends? Does his name pops up right away when you need a quick drive to the grocery? Do you find yourself saying, “Oh you know what, _____ too!” “_____ would know how to do this.” “If only _____ is here.”
I know how heart-warming it is to have someone who acts special towards you when he’s around. But think about how is he when he’s with the company of other ladies. Now that is something to think about. Realized that there’s a huge difference between liking someone and liking the attention they give you.
Also, just in case you forget, Beloved, you are much too whole to be loved in halves.
3. Do you stick to each other even if you are with people?
Think about a Post-it note. The first time you use the note, it stays straight, the edges don’t curl, and it stays in place almost wherever you put it. After a couple of uses, how well does that Post-it note stick to any surface? Not well at all, right?
It even loses more stickiness when you put it on a dusty surface. The more impure the surface, the less ability it has to fuse. It is the same with our emotions. The more impure our actions are, the less ability we have to truly love. Don’t lose your stickiness for the wrong people. Keep it pure.
How do we act now?
Easy. Be friends with your singleness. Learn to fall in love with God over and over again.
Have you ever thought about how God would feel when you give attention, time, thoughts, and emotions to another human and not to Him? As if we’re telling God that He’s not enough.
Being single is the perfect and right season for you to enjoy God the most. There’s no better season when we can serve Him the most, focus to Him the most, trust Him the most and obey Him the most than being in the season of singleness. God wants you to have fun. Travel and go around places! Meet new people. Serve in unfamiliar ministries. Go out of your comfort zone! Have fun and don’t just be around guys where you’ll find your heart unprotected.
Trust that He’s not going to keep you single a day longer than He plans.