We all wanted to be the right person. Why? Because the right person gets all the attention. He gets the credit everybody longs to have and he gets all the affirmations and praises that our hearts will always seek for.
But who has the courage to say, “I’m not the right person, but I’m working on it.”
Who has the impulse to admit to himself that he is still a work in progress and is not probably the right person yet for the job? Who has the heart to say “pass” to the rare chance of being in the spotlight and give it to someone else who is more deserving and worthy?
Who has the time to look around and say, “He’s the one you’re looking for.”
So here I am, asking you today, “Can you be trusted enough to admit that you are not the right person when the opportunity comes?” Because here’s the real deal: when you learn to say no to the things not yet for you to own, you are saying your best yes to your own chance to further grow, flourish, and bloom. It’s allowing the wisdom of God to be at work instead of carelessly giving control to your emotions. It’s saying yes to God’s perfect will over your life instead of tolerating the needs of your flesh.
The question is how do we know if we are not yet the right person to be part of anyone’s journey? Here are some helpful tips or questions to keep in mind.
Am I sharing the same season with this person?
Sharing the same season with someone else gives you the right credentials to say a thing or two to whatever that person is going through. Probably because you already went through the same thing and already equipped by the lessons you gathered when you experienced the ups and downs of the season.
Say, for example, I have been receiving a lot of questions from troubled married women, questions that are way beyond my capacity to answer. It is so easy to give in and just pour out my heart and words, but I know for myself that what I say as a single woman, who is not yet married, will not be that helpful compared from a couple who already went through the joy and hardships of marriage.
Instead of being helpful, I can unintentionally plant fears and doubts about somebody’s life because of my immature thoughts. Worst comes to worst, I can destroy the relationship they are so eagerly trying to rebuild because of my hurried intention to be of help.
I’d rather settle with being honest with the other person and declaring that the right help would come. Let’s joyfully stick with, “I’m not yet the right person, but can I pray for you? I would love to speak life into your season believing that God’s help is on its way. I may not be what you need, but I am here to listen and pray.”
Is he here to play games or to stay?
Knowing the intention and the purpose of one person into your life will give you the proper boundaries you need for your relationship to grow. Is he here to play games or to stay? Is he committed to carrying your relationship into the next level where the scary heavyweight but beautiful marriage life is involved? Is he committed to growing in Christ first before developing anything with you?
Having an answer to all of these will make building boundaries an easier job for you. If he is not the person who is ought to stay, then you shouldn’t probably be investing your whole life including your purity with this man. Women, your purity is a reward to the man who is wholeheartedly willing to work hard to win your heart. He understands full well the calling God has given him—to lead you into God’s unfailing love and to protect both of your purity.
Let’s make it clear, if he is not your husband yet, then he doesn’t qualify at all into winning your body and your soul in Christ. He is not the right person yet, but allow him to work for it. By the grace of God, he’ll get there someday.
Is this person sharing the same values as mine?
Whenever I’m going through tough times, I make sure that I vent out to the people who are sharing the same values as mine. I can’t ask godly counsel from someone who doesn’t value the word of God as her life’s foundation. I can’t listen to a bunch of ladies who speak terribly of their own friends and family, instead of speaking life to these blessings. I can’t allow their own unsettled issues to be creeping in my own battles, causing me to question God’s faithfulness in my life.
I learned to be aware of who to trust and who to ask advice from. Is this person genuinely rooting for me or is she just here to gather a crowd who can carelessly talk about me and my issues? Remember, not everyone should have the privilege to say anything about your life’s greatest battles. If you are looking for the right people to vent out, surrender everything to Christ first and then see how the love of God is so powerful to send the right people at the right time. He is the Father who longs to give you things with eternal value including friendships that are tested through seasons.
The power of God tells you, “Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. You are capable of choosing and deciding wisely.”